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Listen to yourself for these seven clues to break through your barriers
You are listening to Muslim mastery breakthroughs, a podcast series in which we share insight on how you can achieve breakthroughs in your life to unlock your spirituality, relationship and mindset. You will get practical steps towards living a truly extraordinary and fulfilling life Inshallah.
Hear yourself for these seven clues to break through your own barriers
When your car makes weird noise you pay attention right? Well, guess what! What you say, what you don’t say and what you try to say but can’t say can give you a lot of profound insight about you. We talked about the powerful filters on your sight in episode 22, and the filters for thoughts in episode 23, and how they can have huge impact on your emotions, inspirations, motivations, and actions. For this week our breakthrough idea is around the power of words from various angles. The area that will be a breakthrough idea for many is if you hear yourself it will tell you a lot about all the reasons you are not making the progress you want to make in all areas, whether it be your relations, emotions, motivations, inspirations, actions or even physical health. We will also discuss how you can avoid harming others by your words whether it will be spiritual, emotional or mental.
Bismillah. Wallahumdulillah Wa Salat Al al-Salamu wala rasulullah. This is your breakthrough coach, Zubair.
If you want to find the proof of what is inside the heart, check out the tongue, tongue will make you to see what is inside the heart whether the person want or not. We will be taking a look at several areas to be exact seven precise areas that your tongue can give you a clue for. We will be taking a look at seven different areas. Your words will give you immense insight into these seven areas and will tell you why you are not making the progress that you want to make.
No.1 what does a lack of word imply? So, if you are not saying a certain thing that imply a lot about your feelings, a) if you don’t hear any words appraise or appreciation from someone, then either is not there that really something to appraise you for, the person really does not appreciate you, and that could be something you learn from. Or, it is there, the person actually appreciates you but does not know he should use the words to express his/her appreciation, or he doesn’t know how frequently he should do that. Check our episode no 21 on love and appreciation languages
No.3, the person actually is ungrateful. There is a lot of to be grateful for, but the person is ungrateful. That is the reason you are not receiving words of appreciation from that person.
So these are the three reasons that you will not hearing appreciations from someone. And when you don’t hear that, it doesn’t mean that person is not appreciate you, it could be any one of these three reasons.
Now, think about the same person, how ungrateful he could be toward his lord, if he doesn’t praise him, if he only thinking about things that are negative, things that are not working for him, if he is only thinking about the challenges in his life, that person is ungrateful person, that person need to focus on his own gratitude. And this is the reason that he has barriers which are barriers to his own happiness and contentment.
No.2, focus. What is the person focusing on? If he is talking about people, then he is focusing on people, if he is talking about events, then he is focusing on events, if he is talking about ideas, than he is focusing on ideas, right? So that tells you a lot of the person. That also tells you a lot of your own self, what are you focusing on? Are you focusing your shortcoming? Now it depends on how much you focus on that, how much you talk about those and in what context, right? So one can be talking about this in the sense of, ok, these are my challenges, and I should work hard to overcome those challenges. I am prone to making this and that mistake, and these are my shortcoming, so I should be working toward them. Or, he could be talking about that to get him all the excuses to take action. Or he could be talking about his wins, his success stories, and that person can be doing that because he is so full of himself or herself, and he is always bragging about himself. Or he could be doing that for inspiring other people, or he could be doing that to encourage himself, that look I was able to do that, with consistent effort and the mercy of Allah, let me continue and achieve my next goal. The person can be appreciating and talking about the favors from others, right? Or the person can be talking about the favors from his Lord.
So, all these things and a lot of time when spend talking about these things give you insight of what the other person is focusing on. If you start listening from yourself, you will have a better understanding of what do you personally focus, and then you can decide is this focus beneficial for you or is this focus a barrier toward your success?
No.3, mindset, attitude toward others. If a person is engaging on backbiting, what does that tell you about him? Maybe he doesn’t have anything better to do, or he is so jealous of other and he always backbiting about them, and he try to destroy their reputation. Or the person is carrying tale and he is trying to influence others not to love someone, or to spread hatred, or spread suspicion and doubt. Or the person is ridiculing and mocking others, what does that tell about the person? Either he is so full of arrogance, or he is lacking his own self-respect, is trying to radicular other and trying to feel good. Or he is trying to disrespect others, what does that tell about the person, so all these things give a lot of clue of your own self, and as well as others. But most importantly, you want to use your own words to listen to them, and learn about your own self.
No.4, self-respect, right? your words and your actions, and reaction to other people what tell you a lot about your own self own respect, about yourself doubt , and self-esteem as well. Are you always talking about excuses? Are you talking about the fears that you have? Or you’re doing others than that. Next, the person is talking about the joke and making jokes that hurt others. This is very comment. You may find something enjoyable and laughable but the other person is being hurt. A comment example of that is husband and man is talking about second wife. This is something a lot of female, a lot of women; a lot of wife complains about it hurts them. So it’s not about doing it or not doing it, but just mocking about it, just making joke about it, which actually hurts other person. How can you find its funny which is hurting someone else? This is huge mistake. You have to pay a lot of attention to it.
Likewise, making joke about the way someone looks, or someone’s acts, walks, or talks, and so on and so forth. Very very important, because this can actually be hurting other people, and causing you to put away from Allah (subahana watalla), and may Allah protect us all from earning the anger of Allah (subahana watalla). Or the person can be using the worst discipline other in an inappropriate manner or to encourage other, or the person maybe using a lot of foul language, and swearing all the time, thinking that it may make him look smart, but tells a lot about the person, either he is so frustrated, it also tells about the way he express him from frustration, right? Likewise, if the person is angry and using the words of frustration, then, for something that so trivial that tells you the under line reason that the person is frustrated, maybe he is bringing work at home, maybe he’s angry at something else or someone else, and that person is not able to control and direct the anger at the right person and is harming someone else. So why someone is angry? How much he/she is angry? What time they are angry, tells a lot about what is going on internally as well as their own ability to control their emotions, and words, and actions.
No. 4, good things. Good things can come out of words that are advising others in appropriate manner, giving someone sincere advice without expecting any rewards, returns, honor, you do your best, you give the right advise, commanding good and forbidding the evil, connecting with Allah, increasing your own love for Allah by praising Allah, thinking about the praises of Allah, remembering Allah, making Dua to Allah. How much this will benefit you with connect to Allah, to realize who Allah is, to recite Quran, the words of Allah, with reflection, with thought, and listen to your own self, great way to increase your love to Allah.
And No. 5, treating yourself, protecting yourself and family members. You can do that by your tongue and words by reciting Quran. By the Dua of the prophet of Allah (Salalahu Alayhi Wasalam) has taught us.
No.6, take a look at what things your being silent for. Are you being silent for greater good, Right? Because if you were to speak of this time, you would cause more harm. Many people criticize and say things that are of lesser important, of lesser priority, and they make a big mess, make a big fuss, so being silent at that time is super important, right? Or are you being sad for personal benefit, because you don’t want to lose your popularity, and respect among the people, so you are not speaking the truth. Are you are being silent from expressing love to someone, so you love someone, you like someone, you would like to pursuit marriage with them, but you just so shy, and so afraid to express it, and then you go around it, and you trying to join them in a volunteer project, or a study project and going around it, and then, basically you don’t even get what you want, you don’t even try, because you are so afraid. And this may be coming from a past experience or you own self fear, why would you do that, right? So it’s much better for you to be swaying about your own feeling and see what happens, and then if it doesn’t work out, you move on and you try with someone else.
Likewise, when you are talking to a client, you are speaking to a client, you are not pick up to make that sales call to go the interview to apply for that job, this all imply something deep inside, either you are too afraid to try, and this is something you need to change, talk about it in mastering your own emotions, that you have to realize that yes, what can happen is you make a note but that does not mean that you’re not qualify, only means that you are not able to convince the person that you are the right person for the job, or you are not the right person for that match, or you wouldn’t know until you try.
And no.7, expressing and asserting your own opinion. Now this is very important. Look, many times what would happen, is you see something that is wrong, someone is mistreating you, someone is using wrong words with you, someone is abusing you, and you just don’t speak up. This can be something that you’re choosing to ignore, because you have other things to focus on, and you don’t want to focus your energy on this. Ok, if you do that, you have to be very intentionally, you have to know that: I am choosing to not assert myself. If you aware of that, than you won’t feel that you are being abused. You won’t feel that you have no choice; you would realize that this is my choice, and I am being silent.
Part B from point no. 7, is about asserting yourself. Stating your own opinion, sometimes, people state their own opinion and then they are so afraid they start to debate in this to justify themselves. Sometimes you have to define; sometimes you just have to say that this is how I feel, right? and sometimes the best things is just to say, hay, this how I feel, I can’t do this, I am sorry, I can’t help you, I am sorry, it is too much, I’m sorry I get tired, right? And then instead of debating and explaining why you’re tired, and this and that, you just say it, if other person does not agree, the best thing to do in most scenario is to say, “you know what, think about it, and I will talk to you later”, right? Sometimes, oh, I am sorry, I can’t help you, and the wife is saying to the husband, vice versa, and the other person does not agree, and then it’s a big debate, and then it’s a lot of confrontation, because none of the party are listening to each other, they’re all debating. So if you see that happens just assert yourself, tell the other person, hey, you know what, think about it, we’ll talk about it later, and then you come back and you explain why you said what you said, and sometimes by the time, you know, in a day of two, the other person would have already realize your position, and you wouldn’t even have to justify.
So be careful, are you being assertive? Are you debating? Do you need to debate? Is your debate helpful? Should you just assert yourself and leave it at that and all follow up with explanation later.
So there are many other points, but these are the 7 points that I want to share with you, I am sure that In Sha Allah, each one of you would have found a point that you can learn from your own words. That you didn’t know, that your words can only tell about your own self. So here are some principles, and by the way this time you are in the chapter of the danger of words. We continuing the book of Ibn Qayyim the disease and the cure on the chapter of words- the danger of words. Here are some principles we have taken from the book. No. 1, only speak that will benefit you in your relationship with Allah, If there is no benefit, then to stop. If there is benefit, think that by speaking those words will you miss out on a greater benefit. Is it something else that you could be saying for greater benefit, so always be careful. No. 2, if you cannot bring happiness by your words, don’t bring sadness. If you can’t bring benefit, don’t bring harm, right? These are general principles.
And now we have hadith that saying by messenger of Allah (Salalahu Alayhi Wasalam). One of them is the one that is reported by Abu Huraira (RA) in which, he said, that the messenger of Allah (Salalahu Alayhi Wasalam) was asked about the deed which will be for most to lead a man to Jannah, ok? Now this is about an action that will be the most important that will be for most in taking someone to Jannah, which is the internal destination for happiness, should be our own goal for everyone, right? This was the messenger of Allah (Salalahu Alayhi Wasalam) replies, fear of Allah and the good conduct. Then he was asked about indulgence which will admit a man to hell fire, right? So regarding what would admit a man to hell fire, he (Salalahu Alayhi Wasalam) said that tongue and the genital, right? So, look at these two muscles in the body, these two parts of the body, how important they are to be protected.
And there is the Sahih Bukhari in the narration from the messenger of Allah (Salalahu Alayhi Wasalam), in which the prophet said (Salalahu Alayhi Wasalam), a slave of Allah may utter a word which pleases Allah without giving it much importance. So one may say something, and one doesn’t think is a big deal, but that word will please Allah. And it will be such a pleasure that because of that, Allah will raise him to degrees of rewards. The slaves of Allah may utter a word carelessly, which displeases Allah without thinking much about it, right? And this one is displeasing Allah, and what happen is because of this, he is thrown into the hell fire, so this is the power of words my brothers and sisters.
Finally, look, what we know is that your words are your own possession, they are your captives, they are your slave as long as you don’t speak them. But when they are out, they own you, right? And right now, actually, these days we are seeing a lot of that right? I mean, you see a lot of people on twitter, even like people that are the leader of nation, they are on twitter, on social media, they are saying things, they are being ridicule, and mocking about it, and they are being held accountable for it.
So just take to look at the important of words. Allah (subahana watalla) say that in His book in a pure speech, Allah (subahana watalla) says,
(Quran, 50: 18)
“Not a word does he/she utter, but there is a watcher by him ready to record it.”
Many people stay away from several form of Haram prohibited actions, but they do not pay attention to their tongues. How much does it elevate or destroy the relationship with Allah, with your family, with your clients, and so on.
And finally, think about this. Maybe there’s servant comes on the day of judgement, with good deeds like that of a mountain, and is all demolish because of his tongue, because of what he had used his tongue towards sins and hurting other people. Likewise, someone may come with sins like that of a mountain and finds that his tongue has earned from the remembrance of Allah and what is connected to this remembrance good deeds that demolishes all his sins. So watch out what comes out of your tongue and what you hold back. This will give you lots of insight about what is going in your heart and in your mind.
If you like this idea, please share and benefit others as well.
Finally this is most likely for most people who are listening to this on Ramadhan, and as you hold off from your food, and sexual intimacy, watch out how you’re holding your tongue.
Until next time. Asalamu Alaykum.
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Muslim Mastery Breakthroughs is our weekly podcast series in which we share insights on how you can achieve breakthroughs in your life to unlock your spirituality, relationships, and mindset. You will get practical steps towards living a truly extraordinary and fulfilling life in sha Allah.
To check out previous episodes visit Breakthrough Podcast
Got questions or comments? Send us an email at breakthroughs at muslimmastery.com
Jazak Allah khair brother Zubair, this was a very insighful podcast